There are many reasons that I love my job, but I never thought that avoiding vomit and excrement would be one of them. Last night was a banner night and I cannot tell you how happy I am to be in my office right now.
It started when I walked in the door last night. I had stayed late because my daughter's school had a parents night and we booked a sitter so I knew I didn't need to make dinner. I walked in the door to see my husband holding my daughter's hair as she leaned over the toilet puking. The nanny was explaining that it started about an hour ago. Within about 30 seconds, the doorbell rang and reliable sitter entered. Turns out reliable sitter is a gem. He is mature, responsible, and has 3 younger siblings. He was not phased by the stream of projectile vomit and agreed to sit even though my daughter was vying for a role in the exorcist.
I proceeded to show him where all the food for dinner was, give cell phone numbers, discuss bedtime routine etc. I told him to promptly call if there was any change in her condition. Even though she was obviously sick, she had no fever, and seemed to be totally fine (as in ready for the playground lets run around kind of fun) when not leaning over a toilet. So my husband and I decide to attend the parents night.
As I am preparing my husband points out that my daughter actually missed the toilet fairly significantly and as it is well known that he has a vomit aversion would I er...well...clean it up. So I throw a robe over my clothes pull out my "ewww
" gloves and start cleaning. Turns out he did not exaggerate. It was on the sides of the toilet, the floor, and even the wall. Thank g-d for Clorox.
So we go to the event which was fine, we come home, and she hasn't been sick since we left. Great, sigh of relief, get children in bed. Go do yoga. As I am sitting in the last part of the meditation beginning to feel truly relaxed, my daughter appears upstairs, face covered in well..you know...saying she had an accident could I please come help her.
So...I put husband in charge of cleaning daughter and begin to clean her bed...only to find that the waterproof sheet looks more like a shredded flag in the heat of battle. I instruct husband to get steam cleaner, at which point I realize that my bare feet are wet, which could only mean one thing.
So I clean the bed and the floor, tell husband to search for back-up waterproof sheet and make bed. Daughter is sitting in the corner of the room whimpering, while we say its fine don't worry no one's mad at you, we love you. Okay, bed gets made.
At this point I should mention that our washing machine broke on Monday. I'm setting here thinking either I risk the machine, which leaked copious amounts of water on the floor last time or I go to a Laundromat
TONIGHT. I go for the machine and pray. Turns out last time when it "broke" husband added waaay
to much soap so it probably just oversuds
. Machine completes cycle I go to bed.
Sleep was actually good. Husband has left for gym, he got up at 5. Wake-up retrieve sheets from dryer. Realize that daughters lovey "bunny" is not there. She has had this lovey since she was born. Horrible realization occurs that bunny is probably in trash with towels used to clean up mess. I put on robe (still covered from last night in yucky), dust mask, and eeww
gloves and begin to dig through trash to find bunny. Bunny, looking disgusting, is found and tossed in washer with robe. More prayer to the appliance gods that washer completes cycle.
Everything seems under control. Daughter is sleeping. Son is getting dressed for preschool. Start to make breakfast. Son begins crying. Go see what problem is. Son has had an "accident" is standing in giant pile of excrement.
Go to laundry room put on eeww
gloves and clean up excrement. Son is still crying. Clean up son, help him get dressed. Phone rings. It is nanny. I pick up the phone and beg her to get here. She says there is massive traffic jam will be late (at least she was not ill). Eat breakfast. Continue to get son ready. Nanny arrives. I race out the door thinking how glorious it will be to be in my office in 15 short minutes. Looking forward to an exciting day at work, after all I'll take a faculty meeting over vomit and excrement any day.